


Live Long and May the Fourth be With You

by NaughtyPastryChef



Category: Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies), Star Wars Original Trilogy
Genre: AU, Crack, Crossover, M/M, Oral Sex, Sorry Not Sorry, Surprise Ending, boys making out, chewbacca is super eloquent, han takes what he wants
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-05-04
Updated: 2014-05-04
Packaged: 2018-01-21 20:42:34
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,831
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1563380
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NaughtyPastryChef/pseuds/NaughtyPastryChef
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The Enterprise is investigating an anomaly in space and what should appear in their flight path but the Millennium Falcon. See what happens next!</p>
            </blockquote>





	Live Long and May the Fourth be With You

**Author's Note:**

  * For [WeWillSpockYou](https://archiveofourown.org/users/WeWillSpockYou/gifts).



Jim was bored. So, so fucking bored. They were at the edge of the neutral zone, nearing uncharted space exploring and examining another fucking anomaly that had his science officers all hot and bothered. They scurried across the ship talking in whispers and carrying piles of data. Kirk was interested, sure, but not as much as they were.

“Keptin! Somezing just appeared in our flight path!” Chekov turned and shouted at him.

“On screen Mister Chekov.” The viewscreen changed and showed a ship like none of them had ever seen before. The bridge was silent as they looked at it in shock. Spock stepped up behind the captain’s chair.

“Captain, I do not believe I have ever seen such a ship before. It also seems to have no identifying markings or-” He was cut off by Uhura.

“Captain, they’re hailing us.” Jim took a deep breath.

“On screen Liutenant.” When the image appeared on the screen, the bridge was struck quiet again. An unfamiliar species was sitting at the helm of the unknown ship, staring at them.

“I’m James Kirk, Captain of the Starship Enterprise. And how might we address you and your ship?” The creature, which looked much like a giant, humanoid dog, emitted a series of growls and shouts that even the universal translators couldn’t pick up. The bridge crew stared at it (he? she? Jim wondered) and it sighed, turning its back towards the screen and growling at something behind it. Jim bit the inside of his lip to avoid laughing but the whole thing made him feel like he was cracking up a bit.

Apparently the creature had been calling for his traveling companion and Jim’s breath caught in his throat as he beheld one of the most attractive, scruffy-looking men he’d ever seen.

“Hey, sorry about Chewie here. He tends to get over enthusiastic and forget that not everyone understands Wookiee. I’m Han Solo, captain of the Millennium Falcon.” Jim tried not to gape as the man, Han, gave the bridge crew a grin.

“Well, Han Solo, I’m Jim Kirk and this is the USS Enterprise. Might we enquire as to what you are doing in this part of space?” Han smiled again, a rakish upturn of one side of his mouth. Jim fought a blush as he smiled back.

“Havin some trouble with my hyperdrive. Got sucked into some kinda wormhole or something. Would you happen to have a mechanic on that beast of a ship who might be able to take a look at my ship?” Jim’s mind immediately went to Scotty even as he hoped that Han never referred to his beautiful lady as a “beast” again.

“Certainly, why don’t we beam you aboard our ship and we can discuss it with my Chief Engineer?” Jim was already moving out of his chair and towards the turbolift.

“Beam? Wait, what does that mean?” It was Jim’s turn to grin as he called down to the transporter room.

“Two to beam aboard. Humanoid. I’ll be down in five to give coordinates.” He turned back to Han’s handsome but confused face.

“Don’t worry, it’s safe. Just wait right there.” He called Scottie and Bones to meet him in the transporter room in five minutes. He thought this was looking up to being an interesting day, after all. At the last second before the turbolift doors closed, he called for Uhura.

“Lieutenant, I know that Han can communicate with the Chewie, but as communications officer I think it would be best if you came along. Mister Spock you have the conn.” Uhura joined him in the turbolift and they made their way towards the transporter room.

“Are you sure this is safe captain? Just because he doesn’t look Klingon or Romulan and he’s handsome, doesn’t mean he’s not dangerous.” 

Jim turned even as he laughed under his breath,“Uhura, I’m not sure of anything. Except that they were stranded in the strangest, coolest looking ship I’d ever seen. Maybe we could learn from their technology? Isn’t that what our mission is about? Meet new civilizations? Boldly go and all that...” He saw Uhura roll her eyes at him, but that was par for the course. Jim prided himself at being a captain that his officers, and even most of the regular crew members, could speak their mind with.

“Okay, Captain. But I have a bad feeling about this.” 

Jim laughed delightedly as the doors opened and they made their way into the transporter room. Bones was already there, looking deliciously grumpy as always, and Scotty was just coming from the other turbolift.

Jim gave the two of them a quick rundown of the situation, smiling at Bones’s infuriated face and Scotty’s interested one. Amazingly, Bones always got hotter the angrier he got. Especially when the anger was directed at Jim. Jim absently wondered what that said about him as he studied the excitement on Scotty’s face. Scotty was so fucking cute when he was excited over new tech, Jim could barely stand it.

Their three heads turned as one when the sound of the transporter came to life. Suddenly Han and the Chewie were standing on the platform and Jim swallowed around a suddenly dry throat. Han was even more attractive in person. And the Chewie thing was over seven feet tall and intimidating. All that fur and the ammo belt across his chest...Jim felt a little bit of foreboding settle in his stomach as the Chewie gestured and growled.

“Hey, I know pal, but what are we gonna do? We need help with the ship, she’s hurting real bad.” Han turned from his conversation and stepped down the platform to shake hands. Jim grasped Han’s hand and was pleasantly surprised by the warm, firm grip he got. He held on a little bit longer than he should have and heard Scotty cough politely to break the moment.

“Right, Han Solo this is my Chief Engineer Montomgery Scott, if there is anyone aboard who can help with your ship, it’s this man.” Scotty and Han shook hands while Jim tried and failed not to stare. The man was even more fucking gorgeous up close.

“This is my Chief Medical Officer, Leonard McCoy. Standard Operating Procedure whenever someone new steps on the ship that they get checked out by him; gotta keep my crew safe.” Jim watched closely as Bones and Han stepped together to shake hands. The image of the two of them together was overwhelming for his suddenly hyperactive libido and imagination.

“Han, it’s good to meet you.” Han gave Bones a very obvious once over and Jim felt heat sizzle up his spine. They made an attractive couple. 

“And, last but most certainly not least, is our communications officer Lieutenant Nyota Uhura. She’s here to see if we can maybe get the universal translators working to understand your co-pilot.” Han laughed slightly as he kissed the back of Uhura’s hand in greeting.

“Well Chewie here is more than happy to have a few more people he can gripe to about me. So, do we need to head to the ship’s hospital for this check up, or what?” Han winked at Bones and Jim was amazed to see, not a scowl, but a flush cover Bones’ handsome face. Inwardly, he pouted. He was just as forward as Han was, why didn’t Bones ever blush for him?

“We’ll head down to Medbay. If y’all will follow me.” Bones turned on the spot and stalked away with Scotty, Uhura and the Chewie following next, Jim and Han bringing up the rear. Han reached out and grabbed Jim’s arm as they walked.

“How many people you got on board here and are they all as attractive as the few I’ve met already?” Jim smiled as they walked and thought about his answer. 

“Well there’s over 400 crew members on the ship. We’re the flagship of Starfleet so, I suppose we do have more than our fair share of young, attractive men and women.” There, Jim thought, that was diplomatic enough. Han said nothing in response, too busy looking around as they made their way to Medbay, though Jim saw his head turn for more than one pretty face while they walked. And more than one head was turned by Han as well.

When they arrived at Medbay Jim could not stop watching the way that Bones and Han interacted. His overheated brain kept picturing the two of them, naked bodies entwined with all that olive skin on display. He absently wondered when he’d turned back into a horny teenager, because that was the last time he’d been compulsively picturing his hot friends fucking. He forced his mind and his eyes away over to Uhura, Scotty and the Chewie.

Uhura grunting and growling as she and Scotty tried to fix the translator was strangely arousing, but somehow easier to handle for his overheated brain. Scotty looked mightily amused, and slightly aroused, with Uhura, too, Jim noted. One final modification and the translator was working. Jim stared on gob smacked as it translated the grunts, growls and howls of the Chewie.

“Oh, did you manage to fix your machine? Splendid. My name is Chewbacca and I am a Wookiee from the planet Kashyyyk. Lovely to make your acquaintance Madam and Sir.” Uhura blinked up at the seven foot tall Wookiee as he held out his paw for a shake. He grasped her dainty hand and shook it vigorously before turning to Scotty.

“And you, good sir, I do so hope that you will be able to help us with our Hyper drive. All of the after market modifications that our beloved ship has gone through over the years have left her a bit of a mess, I’m afraid. Now that we can communicate, I would be delighted to take you back to the Millennium Falcon so that we may take a look at it.” Scotty’s face lit up in excitement and the tiny Scotsman led the giant Wookiee out of Medbay and, presumably, towards the transporter room while Jim, Bones and Han looked on with their mouths hanging open. Uhura cackled at them but said nothing as she left them alone.

“Well, that was mighty unexpected.” Bones mumbled as he walked away towards his office. Han grabbed Jim’s arm and pulled him close.

“So, would I get punched if I asked your doc over there for a more private, one-on-one appointment?” Jim blinked at this man, trying to force his brain to work. He opened his mouth a few times, but nothing came out. Han smiled at him and pulled him even closer, their breaths mingling.

“You wanna watch, Captain? It’s been a long time between ports, you know.” Han pressed closer and took Jim’s lips in a kiss that made his knees weak. His arms flailed for a second before he sunk into the kiss and grabbed the back of Han’s head, fisting his hair.

“Oh, well, sorry. I’ll just leave y’all alone.” Jim heard distantly and he forced himself to let go of the hair in his hands and open his eyes to see Bones, looking crestfallen at the two of them. Han pushed himself off the biobed and stalked over to Bones, who was frozen to the spot.

“Oh no, Doc, I was just asking your captain there if he wanted to watch or join in....” Han trailed off, taking a moment to savor the shocked/aroused/interested look in Bones’ face. Truthfully, Jim liked that look a fucking lot too. He held his breath waiting for Bones’ response.

Bones was silent for a moment, glancing at Jim only once during that time, and Jim couldn’t read the look on his face the whole time. When Bones finally growled and stepped into Han’s personal space, though, Jim heard him loud and clear.

“He can fucking watch, then.” He grabbed the back of Han’s neck and smashed their lips together, pulling Han close enough that the two of them were touching from knees to lips. Jim wanted to get closer, so he crept in so that he could get a better look. He saw the moment that Bones slid his tongue into Han’s mouth and had to bite back a groan as he palmed his cock through his pants.

“Maybe, we should move this party somewhere else?” Jim whispered, flinching a bit when Bones and Han turned from their kiss to regard him. They had nearly identical looks on their handsome faces, and Jim’s breath came a little faster.

“Captain’s quarters?” Bones asked as his hands moved from Han’s hips to his ass and back again. Jim nodded dumbly and led the way out of Medbay. The trip was a blur for Jim, he was too busy tripping over his own feet to keep an eye on the two gorgeous men groping each other to pay attention to walking.

The door to his quarters opened after two attempts at putting in his access code, to his embarrassment, but apparently neither Bones nor Han noticed. Han had Bones pressed up against the wall next to the door and was too busy trying to catalogue every inch of his amazing mouth to notice that the door was open. Jim shoved, pushed and pulled at the two of them to get him inside and shut the door behind them.

Once they were inside, Bones shoved Han off him with a grunt and stalked over to Jim who was watching, wide eyed. Bones grabbed the back of Jim’s neck roughly, pressing their foreheads together as they breathed and looked into each other’s eyes. He and Bones had always been able to communicate without words and this was no exception.

“Kiss me, then go sit down. You’re gonna wanna watch this kid.” Jim obliged, pressing their lips together and absently noticing that Bones’ lips were just as soft as they looked; his tongue, however, was more wicked than Jim had ever imagined. And he’d imagined it a lot. He pushed Bones away, both of them breathing heavily, and stalked over to the couch to take a seat.

Bones was not gentle as he pushed Han over in front of the couch where Jim was sitting, but he didn’t seem to mind the rough treatment. Bones contemplated for a moment, just standing there in front of Han and Jim, but seemed to come to some kind of decision before sliding to his knees. Jim’s breath left him in a rush.

“You come onto our fucking ship and you’re so fucking hot and this is all I could fucking think of since I laid my eyes on you. Jesus, I hope you’re ready, cause I’m gonna suck your brains out through your cock, understand?” Bones growled up at Han, who just smiled silently and slid one hand into Bones’ hair.

Bones’ legendary hands deftly undid the weapon belt across Han’s lap, leaving the gun attached at his hip, and peeled open his pants, reaching one soft hand inside to draw out his already hard cock. Bones inspected it briefly, his eyes sparkling clearly in the low light as he looked up at Han’s face.

“Nice.” He said with a quirked eyebrow before licking his pouty lips and pressing them down over the fat head. Han’s head went back as Bones pressed his mouth lower and lower until it was lodged in his throat. Jim peeled his own pants open when he saw Bones’ throat bulge with Han’s cock. Bones’ head was bobbing back and forth, drool leaking from the corners of his stretched wide mouth as all three of the men in the room groaned in unison.

“Fuck he’s good at this.” Han whispered, darting a glance away from Bones’ mischievous face to Jim’s awestruck face. Jim nodded, but said nothing, watching Bones’ face and mouth work Han’s cock.

Han tightened his fingers in Bones’ hair and Jim’s hand sped up on his own cock. He was so close, they were all so close, Jim watched as Bones snaked a hand down from Han’s thigh to the crotch of his own pants. He grunted around Han as he pressed on his own erection and that was enough for Jim; he was coming all over his hand.

Jim shifted in his sleep, waking himself up and feeling the mess in his boxers. He frowned before opening his eyes to see Bones smiling at him from the other side of the bed. Bones leaned forward and pecked him lightly on the lips.

“Mornin my darlin. What’s that face for, you seemed to be havin a nice enough dream?” Bones asked him, voice raspy with sleep. Jim shook off the remainder of sleep as he thought back over his dream. His eyes went wide as he remembered it, and his glance darted down to the clear wet spot on his boxers. He caught his husband’s eye and blinked.

“You know Bones, no more old movies before bed.”

**Author's Note:**

> Oh God, I don't know what I was thinking. I hope this made everyone laugh, at least a little. Lots of love to readithoney for her amazing beta work, without her this would not be even close to readable. Also, for wewillspockyou...she knows why. Bwahahahahaha


End file.
